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<title>99 Bottles (Red vs Blue) by TheRainRogue</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385453">99 Bottles (Red vs Blue)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainRogue/pseuds/TheRainRogue'>TheRainRogue</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Ficlet, Friendship, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:15:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24385453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRainRogue/pseuds/TheRainRogue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“99 bottles of motor oil on the wall, 99 bottles of motor oil~ Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of motor oil on the wall~!”</p><p>“The hell are you singing?” Church stared at the pink armored Donut.</p><p>“99 bottles, of course~!”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ficlets, Misc</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>99 Bottles (Red vs Blue)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><ul>
<li>
<strong>Genre</strong>: Crack, Friendship ☁</li>
<li>
<strong>Word Count</strong>: 684 ☁</li>
<li>
<strong>Pairing</strong>: None ☁</li>
<li>
<strong>World</strong>: YouTube, Red vs Blue ☁</li>
</ul><hr/><p>“99 bottles of motor oil on the wall, 99 bottles of motor oil~ Take one down, pass it around, 99 bottles of motor oil on the wall~!”</p><p>“The hell are you singing?” Church stared at the pink armored Donut.</p><p>“99 bottles, of course~!”</p><p>“Ooo! Church! Church! Hey, Church! I know that song!” Caboose was repeatedly poking him.</p><p>“Motor oil… What’s up with that? Isn’t it supposed to be beer?” Tucker questioned.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to start with 100… ?” you added as you stood beside the aqua armored male.</p><p>“No~! It’s 99 bottles of motor oil!” Donut protested, nearly stomping his foot.</p><p>“I agree with the pink lady!” Caboose announced, not like anyone really cared.</p><p>“Shut up, Caboose. It’s beer, not motor oil, dumbass.” Church scoffed.</p><p>Caboose and Donut ignored him, as they usually did. “Hey! Don’t ignore me!”</p><p>“<em>Esto es insustancial,</em>”</p><p>“Anyone get that?” Tucker asked.</p><p>“Nope,” you muttered, offering him a shrug.</p><p>“Why do we have a Spanish robot if no one speaks Spanish!? Why does no one speak Spanish?!” Church questioned.</p><p>“Because none of us are Spanish.” Tex scoffed, speaking in a way to insult the blue’s Private.</p><p>“She’s got a point.”</p><p>“Shut up, Tucker.”</p><p>“85 bottles of Lysol on the wall, 85 bottles of Lysol~ Take one down, pass it around, 38 bottles of Lysol on the wall~” Donut and Caboose chorused.</p><p>“Now it’s Lysol?” Grif scratched his helmet.</p><p>“85 doesn’t come after 98.”</p><p>“That’s right, Simmons! 81 comes after 98!” Sarge announced, putting his hand on his hip.</p><p>“Of course, sir!”</p><p>“Kiss ass,” Grif snickered.</p><p>“Dude, shut. Up.”</p><p>“Make me… Kiss ass.”</p><p>“That’s it. I’m killing you.” Simmons started to chase Grif, shooting off rounds that never seemed to come close to hitting him.</p><p>“Violence isn’t necessary!” Doc chimed, following after the two.</p><p>“He was still here?” Tex asked, looking over at me.</p><p>You shrugged.</p><p>“What morons.” She sighed, turning around and walking back to blue base.</p><p>“How the fuck do you go from 85 to 38?” Church muttered, holding out his hand as if he were counting on his fingers.</p><p>“Only those dipshits.” you sighed, turning around and walking back to base.</p><p>“Yep,” Tucker agreed, following after me.</p><p>“<em>Son estúpidos</em>.” Lopez went in the opposite direction.</p><p>“I agree with Lopez.” Shelia followed after the Spanish robot.</p><p>“Of course you do.” Church scoffed. No one could see it, but he was rolling his eyes at the robot couple; he found it stupid as he did with most things.</p><p>“25 bottles of flag on the wall, 25 bottles of flag~ Take one down, pass it around, 65 bottles of flag on the wall!”</p><p>“Hey! Don’t leave me here with these idiots!” Church went running after Tex.</p><p>The duo was still singing all through the night. They were stationed directly in between blue and red base, making it easy for everyone to hear the nail scratching sound.</p><p>“Will someone shut those dipshits up!” Sarge screamed, his tired voice echoing through the canyon.</p><p>
  <em>Meowww~ Mueahw~</em>
</p><p>“Since when did we have cats in Blood Gulch?!” you sat up, confused.</p><p>“It’s Donut’s cat!” Grif yelled back.</p><p>“Since when did Donut have a cat?!”</p><p>“He was hiding it from the Sarge!”</p><p>“Oh!”</p><p>“Everyone shut the hell up!” Church growled.</p><p>“That’s it! I order everyone to kill those morons!” Sarge demanded.</p><p>So much for a peaceful nights sleep.</p><p>“We can solve this without violence! Guys!” Doc whimpered.</p><p>“99 bottles of Grif on the wall, 99 bottles of Grif~ Take one down, pass it around, 96 bottles of Church on the wall~!”</p><p>“The hell… why me?!” Grif groaned, slamming a pillow over his head.</p><p>“I’m killing them now,” Church grabbed his weapon and headed out, Sarge doing the same on the other end of the canyon.</p><p>“One,” Sarge started counting.</p><p>“24 bottles of Sarge on the wall~”</p><p>“Two,”</p><p>“24 bottles of Sarge~ Take one down, pass it around, 3 bottles of – <em><strong>Ahhh</strong></em>!”</p><p>As soon as they said ‘three’, both Sarge and Church started blasting both of them, making the two rookies scatter and run around screaming like little girls.</p><p>Just another normal day in Blood Gulch.</p><hr/><p> </p>
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